Another lifetime

I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of dying and I lose grip on you, like you slip away from me and I can do nothing. And the fact is, I really can do nothing because I'm the one whose life slipping away from.

I blinked my eyes but I can't blink away the blur. I felt like I lost hope too, I can't even look at your face clearly.

I reached out to touch your face, wanted to memorise every details. Your hard jaw line, the height of your nose, soft lips, the wetness on your tears soak cheek, the smooth of your forehead.

The other hand that I stubbornly gripped your hand loses it's energy. I can feel the force of your hand that holding mine, I want to apply at least the equal force. I tried to tighten my grip but I could hardly move my fingers.

I felt too exhausted to even breathe. I closed my eyes and they took longer than before to open.
I'm dying. Time is running short. I have to say something before it's too late.

"Honey," I meant to call out but it came out in a hoarse whisper.

I continued anyway, " you're my golden star, you light up my world like nobody else but it's time to let go"

It meant to convince you but I was convincing myself. It's time for me to let go but I'm not ready just yet. The day I first met you somehow seems like yesterday to me. I remember the amusement in your eyes when you saw me tripped over my own feet, the tiny yet unmistakable tug on the corner of your mouth, the graceful steps you took on the dance floor, the hysterical laughter to those silly jokes I tell.

I remember them like they happened yesterday and it made me even harder give up. It always too soon to let you go. I never wanted to let you go but I didn't have a choice. Do I?

My heart beat came to a near end. I struggled to breath in the last bit of air I was able to and huffed out my last breath with words I've told you a million times.

" I love you ," I said.

This last second everything became clear and colorful. I guess this is the way God let dying people to go with something beautiful.

I saw your sea blue eyes flooded with tears, despair and sadness, your ashen cheeks with lines of tears, your lips curved backward and wrecking sob escaped from them. Your golden blonde hair shone brighter than ever.

Then I heard this melody and I knew. I knew you're humming me to sleep, long sleep.

Your hair continued to shine until everything faded away and you too, faded away.

I wanted to tell you how beautiful you are, how precious you are to me. I speak but all I hear is the soothing melody. I felt so rested and I don't want to move.

Maybe I'll tell you in another lifetime, honey.

Maybe another lifetime.